I’m Trying Very Hard to Figure Out How to Write a New Post with this crazy Theme. It seems there are a ton of bugs. What to Do?
As always, keep trying. As always, mess it all up first and then try about afterward. Here, Let’s post some more Text.
(Here is a Recent Newsletter of Mine)
Must We Fear This Air We Breathe?
“My fellow brothers and sisters, the world is changing. . . and I am afraid.” ~ (Every person, of everyday, for all time).
I can’t remember who said it (and, of course, the purpose of unpolisht lines is not to remember things exactly), but it went something like, “A man can have no courage without fear,” and there was something else too, “They would not trust a man who had no fear,” or something. . .
So what do I fear? It seems, mainly, as always, the unknown. And I find fear extremely uncomfortable, perhaps the most uncomfortable sensation contained in the human machine (it’s deeply frustrating to the soul!). And it’s only right that it is so uncomfortable––right? Fear must be the most powerful, most visceral emotion because it keeps us alive. But you already know that.
The question is, what to do about fear? On the one hand, fear keeps us alive, on the other, it seems the only thing that can make is feel dead and defeated even while we breathe.
I spent a lot of time thinking about fear during my time on the ambulance. I can’t tell you how afraid I was sometimes. . . Early in my time as a medic, a woman was begging us to help her loved one. I was overwhelmed by it. Truly overwhelmed. That was while I was still in training, and I thought: Gid, you can’t be this afraid.
So what did I do? I continued training, and really, like most people, hoped I wouldn’t be placed in that kind of situation again (while of course knowing that I would). I studied and practiced, asked questions, and tried to prepare for that day when someone would look into my eyes and beg for a simple miracle.
It was a funny thing. I became more confident in my skills as a medic, but the fear never went away. This irritated me. Made me question myself. Made me afraid that––on top of being afraid of the situation––I might not know something I should know.
I’d be sitting in the ambulance, blasting through the night to some life and death hoopla, thinking to myself, “Gid, calm down! You know this stuff! You know what to do!”
I find I feel the same sensation before a job interview, an important phone call, or anything else. It doesn’t (didn’t) matter how much I know that I shouldn’t be afraid, I still am.
So what’s happening here? Look, I don’t know! Seems to me that eventually the fear would go away.
This How I Try to Deal with Fear: You Got Anything Else?
What I’ve tried to illustrate is that, for me, fear is not something that can be controlled. Truly, fear seems outside me. I can sit there and say to myself: “Why are you afraid? You don’t need to be afraid. There’s no reason to be afraid. You’ll be fine.” And it can all be true, but I still feel it. So, since I can’t kill fear, what do I do?
Roughly speaking, here’s what I’ve tried (sometimes with little luck):
- Accept it: I guess I’ll just be afraid sometimes. This helps stop the second fear – that something is wrong with me. If I can accept that life is just scary sometimes, I stop being afraid of being afraid. Make sense? Eh. It’s an unpolisht thought.
- And sometimes don’t accept it: Sometimes, the fear is warning me that there’s a whole in my knowledge of preparation (certainly, the feeling that we haven’t studied enough for a test is common, and we should probably study more). So it’s nuanced. I try to be honest with myself about my preparation level. Does no good to lie to myself in either direction.
- Think about someone who inspires: Being afraid is bad, being alone and afraid is worse. At least for me. So I try to think about someone (at any point in history), who has been in a scary situation and pushed on. This helps a little.
- Focus on principles: There’s the fear that you don’t know enough to handle the situation, but there’s also the fear that, even if you do know everything you need to know, you will react negatively (when I see blood, will I pass out? Not a good look for a paramedic). To handle this, I try to focus on principles. If I’m taking a test, I try to tell myself that, no matter how nervous I am, I will read the questions several times, and I will take deep breaths. If I’m bandaging a wound or setting broken bones, I try to think about the person I’m helping, to bring the focus off my fear and onto alleviating theirs. I don’t know . . . I try.
- I try to fear the right things (and zoooooom out): When I’m really afraid, I try to imagine I’m sitting on the moon, watching the earth, the sun pulsing with every breath I take, the solar silence embalming me with peace. I just need a little perspective for the sake of jake! And it doesn’t kill the fear, but it helps a little.
Okay, that’s about it. I read through this and found that their wernt enough typos, so I added a few (branding). Some call them errors, some call them spice, I call them human. Ha!
. . . what do you fear . . . what will you do? . . . *airy the-force-is-strong-with-you-Luke voice* . . . go ahead and let me know.